Sunday, February 7, 2010

How to deal with Johnny Law :

 If your in a Party Van, it stands to reason you will eventually run into a cop. Last night The Party Van had not one, but two encounters with the man.
First encounter, sobriety checkpoint: Before it could inconspicuously change direction, The Party Van found itself smack in the middle of a checkpoint. If this happens to you, don't panic! Cops can sense this emotion, and it will get them bloodthirsty. First, the officer told The Driver to count backwards  from 36 to 19.  The Driver thought this was stupid, and due to haste flubbed it twice in a row. Because of this, The Driver was asked to step out of the vehicle for further testing. The next two tests were balance oriented, and of course The Driver passed with ease. If for some reason balance is not your thing, The Driver suggests breaking into a dance routine of your choice. Obviously it's best to pick moves you have down pat. If you nail the routine, the officer is sure to compliment you, then send you on your way. Even if your dancing is atrocious, give it your full effort and you are sure to disgust the officer to the point that he / she wants you out of sight. Either way, you win.  

Second encounter, gun scare: Now this is hilarious! The Party Van had reached it's destination. As the last few passengers disembarked, a small group approached and asked for a tour of The Party Van. They were of course given a full tour. With Thrash Metal blasting, and the experienced Party Van'rs wrestling on the dance floor, The Driver thought he would put a cherry on top by lighting a Bottle Rocket. This was naturally a great idea. But just after exploding, the Bottle Rocket smoke cleared and we noticed a police car parked behind The Party Van. When The Driver went out to investigate, a cop was running up and said "who's got the gun?" The Driver explained he had just set off a Bottle Rocket, and there was no gun. Still unconvinced, and hand on his Glock, the officer needed to see everyone to confirm there were no victims. After explaining the whole ordeal in detail, the two cops were on their way. As a final punchline, The Driver overheard one cop saying to the other "did you see how much smoke was in that guy's van?"

Just to show no hard feelings, here are 6 cops The Driver loves and respects:

Buford T Justice

Jack Slater
Chief Wiggum
Sheriff Bart
I know what your thinkin, did he show 6 cops or only 5? Well to tell ya the truth, I've forgotten myself in all this excitement.

How great would this have been?

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