Windshield Wipers.

When you get right down to it, windshield wipers are really for the benefit of other people. Those of us that are into exploring new direction, don't necessarily need to see clearly to do so. 

Farewell my furry friend.

2:47am Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

The Party Van is confronted by a skunk on highway 64/40 (mile marker 29 westbound)

This meeting resulted in the skunk receiving a very fast but complimentary spine adjustment, courtesy of the Goodyear corporation. The Driver is concerned that this hospitality has gone horribly wrong, and ended with the furry bastard's demise. The Driver, and The Party Van would like to publicly apologize to skunk and kin for this inconvenience. On the bright side Mr. skunk, you were scrambling straight toward a jersey wall that runs at least 12 miles in both directions, so I probably saved you a shitload of hassle.

Magic is in the air, a winter flashback:

Ever so often, when the right sequence of events take place, the thrill of partying materializes and magically floats around those who created it. This can not be seen with the naked eye. It will however enter the bloodstream via the lungs, and a heightened state of euphoria occurs. 

This past winter a lucky Party Van passenger caught this moment in a photograph, a very rare thing indeed. It's one thing to get the magic going, but to also capture the moment in a photo has probably never been done before.

In case your not grasping the rarity of this photo, a panel of experts have studied the picture and found it to be completely authentic. They then met with select persons in the particle physics, and party field. The result was a massive dossier, that now resides in the hands of top scientists.

"This is a new realm we are now entering, with the discovery of these particles and the circumstances in which they exist, we are that much closer to a universal quantum mechanics and thermodynamics standard."

-Stephen Hawking 

"Wow, those guys took it up a notch." 

-Andrew W K

"I've partied  my ass off... but it never lead to any scientific discoveries."
-Dennis Rodman

How to improve a bullshit billboard:

A head to head battle!!

Recently, The Driver took a bunch of rowdies on a hellbound journey to Memphis. 

When calculating how much booze we would need for the trip, it was decided we should upgrade to a bigger boat.

I will not try to put into words what kind of Partying happened on that weekend in Memphis. What follows is a comparison between these two Party Vehicles.

Party Van make: Chevy

Party Bus make: Chevy

OK well that one's a draw.

Handling:

The Party Van has a high center of gravity, and poor suspension. This means cornering at high speeds will throw bodies from side to side, and every bump in the road shakes one to the bone.

The Party Bus is a behemoth with good suspension. This means cornering at high speeds is impossible, and very little of the road is felt by The Driver or passenger.

Winner: The Party Van

Climate Control:

The Party Van has lost all it's coolant. This means windows down in hot weather. Which allows everyone inside to taste the sweet summer air, and everyone outside to hear the 

Thrash/Folk/Black/Death/Power Metal as The Party Van tears by.

 

The Party Bus has a giant AC unit that can be seen mounted outside the vehicle. This gives the illusion of arctic air being readily available at the turn of a dial. But in fact when you have a bus full of energetic partyers, and blistering heat of summer sun, The Party Bus is only cool at night. 

Winner: The Party Van

Entertainment:
The Party Van has on board the heaviest and most evil ipod on the planet. Also, it is usually stocked with a healthy combination of weapons and explosives.

The Party Bus was not equipped with any of these things, and had to be prepped by The Driver. While it did have a DVD player and monitor, we found it difficult to party
and follow the plot of a movie simultaneously.
 

Winner: The Party Van

Note: The Party Bus does have a card table, so if you're the kind of jerk who want's to play cards on a Party Bus, then this category win would go to The Party Bus.  

 

So it's probably no surprise The Party Van wins the battle, after all I own it! If I had a Party Bus, I would fix all these shortcomings, and have another string of epic parties!!   

 

 

"Shred it while ya got it"

-The Party Van

Are you too old to play with toys?

I remember promising myself I'd play with toys forever, kinda didn't follow through on that one. I do have a Party Van though, so I got that goin' for me... which is nice.

Hey Kids!!

Party Van has free health care!!

During the last couple outings, there has been one passenger that has had trouble keeping his last meal down. Perhaps due to a bad mix of strong drink,
this might have been inevitable under any circumstances.
But just in case the cause is a sensitive inner ear,
The Driver has added Dramamine to The Party Van's amenities.
It's either that, or drive in a straight line, at a reasonable speed... Ha! that'll  be the day.

Snow Report / Shred Conditions

Monday 4:30am to 6:00am:

The Party Van is very happy to report EXCELLENT shred conditions. There has been little or no increase in base. But at 16 degrees Fahrenheit the snow has a glorious layer of ice beneath it, begging to be exposed. The Party Van discovered this immediately upon entering a small church lot, just to test the situation. After painting a few spirals, it was a unanimous decision (between The Driver and The Party Van) to seek more acreage. We both were thinking of the same place, a high school parking lot that we had not shredded in a long time. Throughout the short journey, The Driver was praying to Boreas  that the next destination would share the same attributes as the last. We crest the final hill, and the lot is revealed to us in all it's glory. A pristine blanket covered the entire panorama. Not a single bald spot, or track lay in our path. With a punch of the throttle, The Party Van leaves the wet street and burns into virgin territory. What followed was 70 straight minutes of spinning, skidding, drifting, and technical weaving. 

 

Rape of Orithyia by Boreas

           

Snow Report / Shred Conditions

Sunday 6:30pm:

A little early yet for full blown shred alert. Streets still have a lot of bare wet spots. Due to an overuse of snow melting chemicals, the roads tend to have uneven coverage. Parking lots are well covered, but the under layer still has a little too much hook-up. The Party Van is going to wait to go out again, in hopes of lower temperatures and thicker base. ( less traction)

"Only with total loss off control, can one find new direction"

-The Party Van